The Fruitguys News: How to Measure Taste

How to Measure Taste

Posted on October 05, 2008

"Dad," my seven-year-old daughter whispers. "Yes," I grunt. She's standing next to my bed at 6am on Saturday morning. "Do you have a ruler?" I open one eye. "Huh?" I croak. "A ruler," she says. "Why?" I ask. "I want to measure my tongue." Her sister comes into the room and asks "Dad, do you think we should use centimeters or inches?" Ah, welcome to 3rd grade science experiments where anything that moves or grows can be measured, cataloged, studied, and discussed. As they run off to retrieve the tools to complete their work I find my sleepy mind wandering to thoughts of measuring tongues and tastes and the changes of fall.

Scene: Fade in. A FruitGuys crate sits on an office kitchen counter. Orange-bristly sunlight streams in through the window.

Scarlet Peach: "Rhett Bartlett, my pear."

Rhett Bartlett: "Yes, my peach."

Scarlet Peach: "I'm weaker now than before and. . ."

Rhett Bartlett: "Don't speak my peach for fall is fast upon us and you will bruise too easily and your sugar will grow weaker and weaker."

Scarlet Peach: "I have only a short time left. Rhett, when I'm gone, will you find another?"

Rhett Bartlett: "Um . . . Well . . .It has already happened."
(Dramatic organ music swells up.)

Scarlet Peach: "Rhett. How could you?"

Rhett Bartlett: "You are more mature than I and I need someone in my same season. Gala is her name and she's an apple. I've also met a Pippin and there are others. . ."

Scarlet Peach: "They're, dare I say it, crunchy??"

Announcer: "Tune in to The FruitGuys as the late peaches begin to fade away and Bartlett Pears along with Bosc, Comice, Honey Crisp & Pippin Apples and other fall fruits become the new, fresh and influential characters in next season's "As The World Tilts."