It was New Year’s and that always confused me. Why was New Year’s plural? “It’s possessive,” my grammar intern said. I had applied for an intern who could solve crime and I got one who knew how to handle a semicolon—this wasn’t my lucky semester.
“Possessive?” I said. “Possessive of what? Or is that whom?”
The aspiring grammar lover stared at me as if I was speaking in
semaphore and he was flag-blind. I asked him to start filing. “What system are you using?” he asked. “This isn’t alphabetical.”
“I file by shade of manila,” I said. He looked confused. I tilted the green-and-red jester cap I had origami-ed into a fedora back on my head and cocked my eyebrow. “Hey kid, this is the real world. Why don’t you pull the file that you think is closest to the shade of mustard after a fresh rain. It’s an old case about an orange that was framed.”
He located the file nestled between the shades of sulphur and sunlight and opened it up. “AHH!” he yelped, dropping the file. The photo of the blood orange fell out. “You think that’s gruesome?” I said. He nodded like a bobble head. “Join the crowd,” I whispered. I picked up the file and put it on the desk. “This is the famous case against the blood orange,” I said. “It’s just a misunderstood piece of citrus that, when it opens up to people, can scare them. But there’s nothing to be afraid of.” He seemed unconvinced.
“It’s actually one of the most delightful and antioxidant-rich pieces of citrus that winter provides,” I continued. “Although it looks like a regular orange at first glance, there’s actually a slight red tint to its peel. When you cut it open, there will be a wonderful deep purple-red color. And you know what the deep rich color means?” My intern just stared at me, now bobbling horizontally. “It means it has lots of the antioxidant anthocyanin, the same antioxidant found in blueberries (file folder shade, butter). “Plus blood oranges have a great taste with hints of berry or cherry. The main variety in the United States is the Moro, although the Taroccos and Sanguinellos can also be found. My intern started to look relieved. “Just try it,” I said. “You’re going to love it and your body will thank you.”
Enjoy & Be Fruitful! Happy 2011!
—Chris Mittelstaedt, firstname.lastname@example.org