FruitGuy Noir in "Fruit Circus"

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It was midday when I got the call. I knew from the voice on the other end of phone that I was in for a doozy. And that was before he said, "Buddy, you're in for a doozy." I pulled on my coat, unfolded my portable unicycle, and wheeled it downtown. I'm a detective. A citrus detective. And sometimes, a circus detective. I wasn't sure yet which kind they would need. Racing past bike messengers on a unicycle is fine for most private eyes, but I like to pull out the bowling pins, light one on fire, and juggle. It's a little trick they don't teach you in detective school. It's called "experience."
When I pulled up at the brick building there was a crowd out front. A few employees had come out of the lobby, obviously shaken. I did a quick little mime number I picked up in the service, a routine I call dragged-by-a-string-around-the-pinky-finger-down-an-icy-hallway. I find it calms those in a crisis. I mime-skated inside like a pro and finished with a dead-silent triple-axle right in front of the facilities manager. I adjusted my hat. "How can I help?" I said calmly. The manager led me to the kitchen. "There," she said. "It's in the FruitGuys Crate."
I knew I had to get her to tell me more. I reached into the FruitGuys tray and pulled out a bunch of roses. "Is this it?" I said slyly. She shook her head no. Soon I was throwing scarves everywhere. I pulled coins from behind her ears but she still wasn't talking. She just pointed. "What is it?" she said. I reached in and pulled out a round piece of citrus: smaller than a navel orange, a bit more porous, and with a blush of red on the outside in places. I started peeling the skin back.
As I opened the fruit she gasped. "It's. . . It's. . .It's. . ." "I know," I said. "A dark purple color inside. It's called a blood orange," I assured her. She was still shaken. "Look," I said. "People have been eating these for a long time in the Mediterranean region. If you ask for orange juice in Italy or Spain or Morocco, you're bound to get Blood Orange juice. Here," said as I handed her a slice. "It's delicious - like citrus with hints of berry. It's nothing to be afraid of. This on the other hand," I did my famous mime-in-a-box-that-locks-from-the-inside-lost-key pose. "This is terrifying," I said. She smiled as she took a bite. "So it's not circus fruit," she said. "Not at all," I said. She turned and whistled to her co-workers who ran into the kitchen and tasted the great fruit. "Thanks FruitGuy Noir," she said. I mimed a high five and unicycled into the night.
Check out this week's mix (don't be afraid of clowns.)
Enjoy and be fruitful!


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Our online magazine offers a taste of workplace culture, trends, and healthy living. It features recipes for easy, delicious work meals and tips on quick office workouts. It's also an opportunity to learn about our GoodWorks program, which helps those in need in our communities and supports small, sustainable farms.