The Fountain of Fruit

By Chris Mittelstaedt
November 20, 2009
Reading Time: 2 mins.

Day 26: The marsh of cubicles has cursed our party. We lost Lenny two days ago to the gurgling fried dough found in the quicksand pits of a budget planning meeting. Sue has been eating the native flora of bundt cake that grows wildly here and drinking soda like it was stagnant stump water. Her lethargy is so bad now that we had to build a makeshift sled out of paper towels, binder clips, and copy paper. We dragged her through an area that Ponce said was called “accounting.” The locals didn’t attack but spoke a language of debits and credits that nearly drove us mad.

Day 27: Ponce rescued Sue from the copy machine. We think she is only temporarily blinded. New rule: don’t copy your face without protective eye gear.

Day 28: Ponce set off on his own this morning. We’ve been camping in cubicle 27-605b. I sent up a signal flare that ignited the ceiling tiles and engaged the automatic sprinkler system. We’re tired, wet, and dying for nutrition.

Day 29: Ponce returned this morning with something called a pluot. It’s dark purple and sweet, and it gave us the energy that we had not experienced in a long time. I asked if Ponce thought it could help with the growing problem I read about on the Time magazine blog – a horrible worksite jungle disease known as “office butt.”

Day 30: Ponce led us to a worksite wellness clearing that was filled with light and warmth. In the center of this oasis known only as Kitchenette 12 was a fountain of office fruit in a FruitGuys crate. We gorged on fresh white and yellow nectarines, pluots, peaches, berries, cherries, and more. We could see the mix. Ponce said that fruit has phytochemicals (antioxidants) that can help us stay healthy. Darker-colored fruits like cherries, grapes, and blueberries have compounds in them that protect the fruit from damage from sunlight. These same compounds may also help our bodies inhibit cellular decay. He showed us that the FruitGuys service comes with free access to the Berkeley Wellness Letter.