How to Measure Taste

“Dad,” my seven-year-old daughter, whispers. “Yes,” I grunt. She’s standing next to my bed at 6 am on Saturday morning. “Do you have a ruler?” I open one eye. “Huh?” I croak. “A ruler,” she says. “Why?” I ask. “I want to measure my tongue.” Her sister comes into the room and asks, “Dad, do you think we should use centimeters or inches?” Ah, welcome to 3rd-grade science experiments where anything that moves or grows can be measured, cataloged, studied, and discussed. As they run off to retrieve the tools to complete their work, I find my sleepy mind wandering to thoughts of measuring tongues and tastes and the changes of fall.

Scene: Fade in. A FruitGuys crate sits on an office kitchen counter. Orange-bristly sunlight streams in through the window.
Scarlet Peach: “Rhett Bartlett, my pear.”
Rhett Bartlett: “Yes, my peach.”
Scarlet Peach: “I’m weaker now than before and. . .”
Rhett Bartlett: “Don’t speak my peach for fall is fast upon us, and you will bruise too easily, and your sugar will grow weaker and weaker.”
Scarlet Peach: “I have only a short time left. Rhett, when I’m gone, will you find another?”
Rhett Bartlett: “Um . . . Well…It has already happened.”
(Dramatic organ music swells up.)
Scarlet Peach: “Rhett. How could you?”
Rhett Bartlett: “You are more mature than I, and I need someone in my same season. Gala is her name, and she’s an apple. I’ve also met a Pippin, and there are others. . .”
Scarlet Peach: “They’re, dare I say it, crunchy??”
Announcer: “Tune in to The FruitGuys as the late peaches begin to fade away and Bartlett Pears along with Bosc, Comice, Honey Crisp & Pippin Apples and other fall fruits become the new, fresh and influential characters in next season’s “As The World Tilts.”

Enjoy and be fruitful! – Chris Mittelstaedt chiefbanana@fruitguys.com.
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